Glad you have a well-adjusted sense of humour.
FWIW I used to manage a team of 10 coders working for a division of Bausch & Lomb back in the late seventies.
My method of dealing with them was to open the door to their lair about once a week and throw some potato chips & full-lead Coke in at them. Worked well at the time, but I unbderstand things are slightly more sophisticated these days...