not hard really. dead drums in a small, dead room, close mic'd, evans hydralic heads or remo black dots. don't have real drums? sample some off an al green record. otherwise IF you must, find the dryest kit of the sample kits you have and use a transient designer to to cut the sustain down. and don't use the room mics.
keys? just the classics. good ole piano, b3, wurlitzer & rhodes (played through a fender twin), mellotron, cheezball fake strings, maybe some crappy, annoying monophonic synth. i.e "wish you were here," or steve miller band.
bass? 4 strings only. no 5's, just a p-bass, jazz bass or maybe a rick.
geetars? no pointy headstocks, no high gain, no chorus, but maybe add a craptastic big muff fuzz pedal.
vocals? sing in tune without a plugin to do it for you
fx? setup 1 plate reverb, 1 slapback delay, and 1 long delay, and ONLY use those via channel sends.
a big pile of cocaine and/or heroin helps too.